I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
