is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
