I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
