I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
