Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
