He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
