I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
