You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
