why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Randomize
