singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
