i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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