How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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