maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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