New low: just hacked my moms facebook
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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