I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize