I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
