just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
