I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
