Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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