He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
