Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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