True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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