it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
