I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
