Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Congratulations! We have a period
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize