I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
