drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
