I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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