8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
