3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
