That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
