It's like God shit irony all over that family
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
