**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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