you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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