I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
