and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
