He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
