The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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