She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
