u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
