what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
