he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
