The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
