i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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