Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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