She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
