There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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