Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
