i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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