Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
