you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
