I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
and you fell through a lawn chair
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
