Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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