you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
