I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
