I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
