I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
