guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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