So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
