I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
