two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
