Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
