I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize