My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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