My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
