Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
