On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
