Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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