He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
