I am puke
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize