Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
