The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
